How I Know I'm Feeling Better

A short list of how I know I am feeling better about life in general:

1) I read the back of Mom's sugar bag and got all excited about a bake sale for Service Summer 2009 (our summer homeschool theme)

2) After thinking about the bake sale for five minutes I had about twenty ideas for how to make it a success and what Miriam could learn from it (time to tackle money math??)

3) Thinking about Service Summer 2009 reminded me of the plans already in place--a 6-8 week patriotic music group of kids around Miriam's age who will learn a few songs and then sing those songs at several rest homes around the 4th.  

4) After thinking about the music group for 5 minutes had about twenty ideas for how to make it a success

5) While thinking about the music group I had several ideas about how we (meaning Timothy) can decorate the wall (although I'll miss the tree) and how I'll motivate the kids to think about serving others

6) That all of this sounds not only fun but exciting and meaningful to me--not one shred of overwhelmedness reared its ugly head during all those minutes of thinking

7) That I've made several tentative plans on how I can pull myself and my family back together after the unfortunate mothering displayed in my home over the past several weeks

In an entirely different vein, I have to tell you that last night my parents and Ethan tried to kill me.  You should NEVER, EVER make a person who just had a c-section laugh.  So why did I come to the one place guaranteed to have humorous things happening all the time??

Dad had me read a comic strip last night, and it was pretty amusing but the rest of the comics were lame.  Like usual.  But then, I noticed the Miller Beef order form sitting on the counter.  By far the most humorous reading material I've had access to in ages.  Now, as a preface, I have to say that I am very prudish about bodily humor jokes.  Don't like them.  Which is why I can't stand most animated movies these days--like the one where the animals escape from the zoo accidentally, for example.  But really, this order form was hilarious.  Who has even heard of this stuff??

Clod heart

Flat Iron 

Meaty neck bone (as opposed to bovines who had dieted extensively)

Flap Meat 

Lifter Meat

Inside Skirt

Outside Skirt 

Hanging Tender (what exactly is hanging and why is it tender??)

Shortloin (not every cow gets the height gene)

Top Butt 

Butt Tender (okay--I was laughing so hard at this one I thought I was going to split open--maybe its the drugs--how do they measure the tenderness?  Are there rankings?  And how do people get the butts tender??  Are there special exercises for the bovines who want top butt tenderness rankings?)

Denuded Inside (before it was wearing clothes??)

Gooseneck (yes--this is a BEEF order form)

Peeled Knuckle (it got in a brawl??)

Cheek Meat (hate it when bovine get cheeky)

Beef Lips (Dad and I were both laughing at that one and he's not on drugs)

Then, to make it all even funnier--Mom and Dad and I were having a conversation about how much like Dad I am in that I'm not very compassionate or sentimental.  So we were having this whole conversation about developing compassion and gratitude and Ethan walks in the door.  So we all kneel down to pray (except Ethan, he can't kneel), and in the thirty seconds it takes for Dad to call on someone to pray, Ethan is getting all huffy about the time being wasted.  So Mom cracks a joke about Ethan not being compassionate or patient, and then Dad points out that on top of that his backside is showing (he's into the trendy low-riders, well, as much as mom will let him), so I ask if he's butt tender and dad and mom and me are laughing like maniacs and Ethan's going nuts about "wasting his time."  

Seriously hilarious.  You probably had to be there.  Or maybe you don't find the thought of bovine skirts, inside or outside, as funny as me.  That's okay.  I'm sure you all find the thought of Ethan tapping his crutch when the prayer ran a little long funny, though.  Because it was.