A Rant

In light of the fact that I have spent several happy hours discussing my quack neighbors with Kami and Kayli over the past few days, I really shouldn't write the following post. However, I am still going to write it because: a) I'm not quacky enough to make my kids eat a raw veggie/no protein diet; b) I will never be quacky enough to agree with unassisted home births; and c) I want to write this post.

I watched a disturbing and powerful documentary tonight called, The Business of Being Born. I haven't checked all the stats from the movie, but all the information in it backed up what I already feel about birthing so I'm inclined to believe the stats. There's the bias--you've now been fully warned. The movie didn't bash doctors but it did talk about how birthing has changed radically in recent years. In New York City, there is a 47% c-section rate. That's outrageous. That makes me sick. That makes me want to scream and protest and burn effigies of doctors in front of hospitals. Why are women letting this happen?? I know why because I've been there. Women want to do what's best for their babies and so they do anything the doctors tell them and the doctors just want to go home and eat supper. Proof--more c-sections are done around the 4:00 pm hour than any other time, rivaled only by 10:00 pm. Hmm. Coincedence? Even Dr. Swift got mad when I wouldn't let him schedule a c-section with Eli and made him wait until the last possible moment. Even then, nobody gave me any stats on risks of infections vs. risks of c-sections. Women giving birth aren't given any pertinent or valuable information--it's all "trust us" and "we know what's best for you."

Another bit of information. The United States has the second worst mortality rate for moms and babies in the developed world. Their maternal care is considered horrific by European medical standard. In the Netherlands, 1/3 of women deliver at home with midwives and they have one of the lowest mother/baby mortality rates in the world. Having a midwife at a delivery is still standard procedure throughout Europe. Doctors are only called in when there is a problem significant enough to require a c-section or other major intervention.

I've always thought home-birthing was quack but I don't know anymore. If the rest of the country reaches the 47% c-section rate that New York has already, I'm going to be telling my daughters to go to a midwife and have a home birth. Midwives have a 1 in 150 c-section rate rather than a 1 in 4 rate of doctors. When you go to a hospital the whole birthing process becomes about the doctors and the nurses and the woman has absolutely no say essentially because we tend to defer to "experts" and we're in pain and we have no information about options and we want our baby to be okay.

When did we give away the birthing process? Why haven't we taken it back?

I watched those mothers faces who had their babies at home, and held their babies in their arms after the delivery and they were so in that moment. The joy was incredible--the feelings so intense. I didn't even get that with Cowen when I delievered naturally. Dr. Swift put him on my chest and before I'd gotten anywhere near through the shock and relief to come close to the joy the nurses had already whisked him away. Why??? Why did I let that happen? That was by far the best birthing experience I'll ever have (unless I find a reputable quack who will let me try a v-back after two c-sections--hmm, anyone? anyone? do any reputable stats exist to clearly outline the risks of a third c-section vs the risks of a v-back after two sections?) and I still didn't get to enjoy that profound moment when your baby is finally there in your arms. It was just over too soon.

Women have given away too much of themselves. We have given away birthing to doctors. We have given away mothering to day-cares, preschools, babysitters, and schools. We have given away our femininity by trying to be more like men. We have given away our bodies to plastic surgeons, the fashion industry, and the media. We have given away our sexuality by buying into the idea that men like sex more and want sex more than women do and by believing that we can use our sexuality as a bargaining tool without damaging ourselves.

And now that we've given up womanhood, we're starting to give up our children's childhoods to activities and homework and crime (although that one is largely outside our sphere of influence) and a mistaken idea of what childhood is. A lady asked me a few days ago if Miriam had ADD. I know none of you will believe this but I responded politely. Firmly, but politely.

Sometimes I feel the rage that the early feminists talked about. Rage at everything outside of my control that should be under my control and rage that more women don't understand what is happening and try to prevent it. Just rage.

Women talk about girl-power but they don't have a clue what it means because they've already given it away.