In the past two days I heard about two marriages that have broken up because a wife left her husband and children. These situations break my heart. How can a woman look at her child and say, "You are too much work. You are a bother. I am more important than you." And then walk away. How can a mother do that? And how does that child later recover? I realize that I tend to take these things very personally. Timothy's sister is not one of those women, she doesn't have children, but during the decision making process that she went through leading up to her divorce, I would get so upset thinking about it and Timothy would repeatedly tell me, "It is not us. That is not me and that is not you." It's hard though to keep myself from thinking about how I would feel in a similar situation. It is hard to not think about my dear friends whose mother abandoned them--how that changed them. It is hard to not think of what life would be like without Timothy or my children when I hear about people's decisions to break up their homes.
I adore Timothy. I love everything about him--even the things that drive me crazy. I love his nose and his eyes and his gentleness and the extraordinarily disturbing faces he makes. I love his obsession with juice and the funny stories he writes and how quickly he puts on his nice clothes when someone calls needing a blessing. I love how accurately he can mimic the funny way the kids talk and how careful he is to hide any major wounds from my delicate constitution. I love how he continues to talk about cars that he likes despite the blank look on my face and how on every date we go on we wind up at Barnes and Noble. I love when we sing in the car and he mocks me that I can't stay on tune when he harmonizes. I love it when he plays Danny Boy on the tin whistle for me and that he gets woozy in the delivery room. I love, love, love him.
There is a poem by Sara Teasdale that I think about when I think about Timothy.
You bound strong sandals on my feet,
You gave me bread and wine,
And sent me under sun and stars,
For all the world was mine.
Oh, take the sandals off my feet,
You know not what you do;
For all my world is in your arms,
My sun and stars are you.
Sara Teasdale
3 comments:
Awesome post Andrea. Your words are words that I could at this moment write myself....but I don't...you always write and think SO much better than me.
I too have been REALLY struggling trying to come to some sense of understanding about a friend who just left her husband and kids.....just left. Just like that. Her kids are SO heartbroken. They don't understand why. why does mommy not want to be mommy to them anymore.
These truly are the last days. We must do whatever we can to HOLD on to our dear sweet FAMILY!
It's interesting how people affect us, good and bad. For me these words rang true in a different situation. I just spent a few days with my sister in DC. As you know, Ans, she's turned away from the gospel, and has actually become very anti. Whenever I have those religious discussions with her, and realize once again how far away she really is from me, I go through the same struggles within. How do I prevent my children from doing the same thing? How can I be sure I'm teaching my children correct principles? What if they have doubts and I can't answer them or lead them to the right sources? Then, I imagine that all my kids are going to drift away, so why even try anymore. My husband says the same comforting words, "Our children are not her. We are not your parents (due to my sister blaming them for her "blind" chlidhood)." Anyway, I think these moments come so we can make greater reslove to push through and make the best of our marriages, our families, our lives. Thank you for sharing your own tender feelings.
JULIA
Lovely post- As you know I had a difficult time commiting to marriage due to having been abandoned. I just couldn't fathom trusting someone enough to believe they would never leave you. Thank goodness I found such an amazing man to marry. He is not my mother. And when I have these doubts I remind myself over and over that I steer the course of my life- I decide how we will live. And we have decided to be devoted, loving, faithful spouses and parents. I love you.
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