Wild Woman Driver--Coming Through!

My van died on Wednesday in my driveway. Which was fortunate. Very fortunate. Since the battery is brand-new, my personal mechanics (Timothy and my dad) guessed there was something wrong with the alternator or something.

Today, I called my neighbor and asked him to jump me so I could get the vehicle to a shop without having to pay for a tow. He came, he jumped me, and I started my mad dash for the shop my neighbor recommended that he said was called the "Devores." I knew if I slowed down my battery would die, so I drove like a maniac. I did no more than pause at a stop sign, I flagrantly ran a red light (Miriam asked me if I was going to go to jail), and I cut someone off while honking my horn madly. It was wild. And a little too crazy for my "never go over the speed limit" need for security and safety.

The trouble was I didn't make it to Devores because it doesn't exist. The shop is actually called Walt's (a better name, I think--it made me want to sound my barbaric yawp) and I overshot it because I didn't think it was the right place. Then the light turned red, cars were in the way so I couldn't run it, and you betcha--my battery died. I hung out in the turning lane for quite some time while my neighbor looked for me. He'd stopped at Walt's thinking I would be there. But I wasn't. Fortunately, my neighbor is a retired police officer and he had no trouble blocking one lane of oncoming traffic to jump me. We charged the battery just enough for me to make it to a little fast food place by the side of the road, and then we let the battery charge for about ten minutes. After that, I made it to Walt's with only one mad honking incident (me madly honking while cutting someone off in an entirely outrageous manner). I didn't even know I had that in me. Really. I'm serious. My family accuses me of, ahem, driving like an old lady. They wouldn't have believed their eyes.

After I talked to the mechanic about my vehicle and why one window was halfway down (Miriam) and dead, I looked around for my neighbor who was going to drive us home. No neighbor. He's kind of a space cadet so it seemed fairly reasonable that he'd forgotten us and headed for home, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt and Miriam, Cowen, and I started walking back towards the fast food place where we'd last seen said neighbor.

He'd locked his keys in his truck. While it was running. Fortunately, his cell phone was on his person and his wife arrived only minutes after me and the kids. She took us home.

And thus ended our grand adventure.

I could totally be a stunt driver.